Tick tick tick..

Growing old / older is a funny thing..actually not so funny..more like terrifying. i never used to understand that..always felt that the older you get the more independent and happier u are..but as i grow older i feel this need to be dependant on someone..someone who's there all the time. And that need is so overwhelming its difficult to live out and enjoy the so called independent life.

The problem is ur screwed either way..u come to this point where the need to have someone is so overwhelming that ur willing to settle for anything that remotely feels good...and then when he/she doesn't live up to the incredible expectations u set during all those years of waiting, it all falls to pieces...and ur back to being alone while ur with someone...there's nothing worse than that..is it better to be alone with the hope of finding someone rather than knowing that its all a lie and beyond hope.

The worst part is, it gets so difficult to accept things when u get older. If there's something u want u just hang on to it for dear life..is it cos we don't think we'll find anything better again? or that if we don't seize this opportunity it'l never happen again? its like time is running out and i can't let go of something..its probably not even that great and u know it but surprisingly ur standards hav come down..ur willing to settle..that's awful..no wonder people hate growing older.

ultimately it comes down to being petrified that ur going to die alone and hav nobody and at the same time wonder whether that's better than being in a rut with someone and hating ur life anyway.

Its like we're preparing for death and we're scared that time is running out..might as well shoot ourselves and save ourselves the time.

U know ur old when you:

Say 'remember the time when..' at least 5 times in one conversation.

You start appreciating friends more..actually define your relationships..don't feel silly abt saying 'i love u' to ur friends...cherish them more

Feel no inhibitions about talking about stuff that u wud have rather died than talk abt aka lite sabers :)

want to go out and do stuff and meet ppl but wud rather just go out with those comfortable few cos u hav no energy to make conversation and fake interest in people's lives.

Talk about how we're gonna die alone and what dead end lives we have for 90% of the conversations.

snigger when someone says how much in love they are cos they think it'll last forever think u know 'everything' abt men, relationships blah blah

feel no inhibitions about hitting on a guy cos u feel no fear of rejection, as in, u don't give a shit either way.

have no problems with anyone seeing u in swim wear

the happily married friends instead of laughing like they used to, give the 'awhh' look,when u say ur going to be alone forever and go on to seriously console u

the words 'dead inside ' never made more sense to u.