Black hole

Life isn't always fair but it isn't fair to everyone thats what makes it fair....not insight i came up with myself..its from westside story..i think. Don't u feel ever so often that u'v got the short end of the stick, that things should have gone a certain way..it feels so right.. but some strange twist of fate turns it all around..just when u think that its gonna be all ok. You see it coming but choose to ignore cos u think if u close ur eyes tight enough it won't happen to u. but it does..it hits u right in between those eyes. U're shocked, u cry, u laugh, u go psycho, u regret, u hope. But its gone..its happened. All that effort that investment that part of u that u gave..all for nothing. Why? was there something u could have done so that it would have turned out differently? but all that was in ur control u did..u know u must have...how could u not when u wanted it so badly.

What do u do now? Accept it? but u don't wanna let it go..if u let it go it means u have to move on..u don't want to move on..sometimes we're just happy in our bondage..its safe..its familiar..its a place u don't have to face the future cos ur still stuck trying to forget the past. Accepting that its over..that there's no hope means u have to face life again..get closure..start anew. How? when ur so used to thinking a certain way..imagining ur life to be a certain way...if u accept that there is no hope..its actually erasing ur entire future as u saw it....its a clean slate..a black hole..thats too big..too real..too freakin scary.

So of course u sit there and keep reliving the past..hope that it will come back..that all that u did..all that u invested could not have gone to waste..that the time was not right and someday it will be..keep the faith as they say that it'll all work out. At least u have something to live for..some sort of light in front..u don't have to face that black hole of uncertainty. So u concentrate all ur efforts back to it..cos how can u not when u want it so bad. things look up its that good ol feeling again..that anticipation that it just might all be ok... But for how long? how long before u realize yet again that time is up and u'v invested so much again and yielded no return..aaand we're back..the shock..the loss..the pain..but worst of all the choice...the choice to either go back to hoping or to face that black hole..start afresh..start anew.

So u have to make a choice..and ur sitting there crying cos u don't know what to do..what possible solution can there be..ur so afraid to face what lies ahead cos what if it wouldn't be like what u've been imagining all this time...And then suddenly it hits u..cos thats it...u've been imagining..it wasn't reality..it was what u made it out to be in ur head cos u wanted it so bad....u've been mourning over the loss of something u never even had to begin with..come to think of it imagine if it had worked out..how much pressure would u put on it to live up to what u hyped it up to be all this time. Ur crying over how something or someone isn't what u want them to be or imagined them to be. wow how awful would it be if it had worked out in all the euphoria and fantasy and then u, like u inevitably would, that it wasn't how u had imagined all along...but ur stuck..and u can't get out cos u fought so hard to to get there.

Thank god...this is the best thing that ever happened to u..it wasn't what u thought it was..how could it be..it wasn't real. The future doesn't look so bad now does it when u consider how bad the it could have been if ur past had turned out any different. It still is freakin scary and always will be but atleast u know u did all u could..u fought the good fight...if it still didn't happen there's a reason...ur wiser now..ur stronger now..so march right on into that black hole...